I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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