This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I AM VODKA MAN
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
