the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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