dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
