you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
