I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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