I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
