Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
