he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
