I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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