I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
