omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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