There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
