I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
