Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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