I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
smell my finger.
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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