How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
