I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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