My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
