a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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