i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
