I heard we made out
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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