Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
