She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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