the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
