U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
