Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
