Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami

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(203): View more from Connecticut

it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"

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(318): View more from Louisiana

This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.

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(540): View more from Virginia

you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"

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(301): View more from Maryland

Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed

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(719): View more from Colorado

New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.

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(708): View more from Illinois

We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.

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(208): View more from Idaho

hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand

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