I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
