Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
