did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
