I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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