So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
