He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
