and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
