someone threw a dead crab at me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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