even my farts smell like vagina
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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