im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
