Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
