JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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