So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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