I wish I could punch you in the face.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
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So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
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Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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