Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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