Umm I'm too high to move.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
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I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.