I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You dont lie about slip and slides
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life