I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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