More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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