Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
