Define "chronic" masturbator.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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