I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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