i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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