I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
