It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
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There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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