Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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