It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
