yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
