dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
