I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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