my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
