True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
