shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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