Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
