i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
