im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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