I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
