She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
