The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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