I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
