Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
