"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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