My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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