if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
